Welcome to My Diary


My name is McKenzie Stewart. I am Married to a wonderful man and currently live in Florida. I have had 9 miscarriages and no children.


I have started this blog for 2 reasons. One being for others. I try not to tell everyone that I'm pregnant, but when I have to go on bed rest and suddenly I'm absent in the world, a few people have to find out. I try to keep the pity after a miscarriage to a minimum by staying positive, but I know there are lots of questions and gaps to be filled in.


And the most important reason I started this blog is for me. This is my escape and my therapy. This is personal and I put everything out there. My life is filled with blessings and happiness but it would be a lie to say that these miscarriages haven't made a significant impact in my life.


All the feelings that I've kept inside are now out.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Drama at the Doctor's

Today I got my 12 blood tests. I didn't do so hot. I won't know the test results for a week, but during the actual procedure, I totally failed. Before they even got the needles out, they said to me "How about we move you to a bed instead?" Was I already looking that pathetic? I am grateful for that bed though. And for Ben talking to me about all the details of our upcoming cruise.

They brought in a doctor afterwards just to check to see if I was alright. She couldn't hide her overly concerned and nearly horrified face. But I showed her I was fine, and walked out of there joking all the way to the car. I finally agreed to let Ben drive home. Then I passed out in the car... then woke up and got sick... twice.

I was rewarded with food at Downtown Disney :).

My arm was in such pain the entire way home. I finally got the nerve to remove the bandage expecting black and blue all over to match the pain. Nope. A red dot. Can you even call that a dot? A spec. A red spec was all I had to show for the terrible pain.

Now I wonder, was it really worth knowing? We could just try a few medications and see what happens. Trial and error and we'll figure it out eventually right? Well it's over and if they missed a test it's just too bad.

Now I get to take a nap thanks to my wonderful hubby who took the dogs on a 2 mile walk in 100 degree weather. Thats a lot for 4 inch legs. They'll be out for a few hours :)

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

All Kinds of Trouble

Long time no blog. Thats a good thing on this blog since I created it to cope with miscarriage. It's June and so far 0 miscarriages for 2013! 2013 has been meant to be the year with no miscarriages since I want to give my body and mind a break. Super Success.

Today after my Doctor visit, Ben said "You should post this on your blog" then he told me that he missed reading it. So if nothing else, I'm posting this for him to read on his upcoming lunch break. Love you honey ;)

I got a new Doctor here in Windermere whom I LOVE and adore! It's a new practice super close to us and because they're so knew, they're super slow and available all the time! LOVE IT! I had my first appointment there last Wednesday and I was there for 2 hours! We talked and talked about every one of the symptoms I've ever had in life. She told me a few things that she thinks I have and had me immediately get tested. Yesterday was the last of those tests, and the results: I have everything she thought I had. Why is this the first time a Dr. has decided I may have more than one thing wrong with me? In the past we found out what was wrong, treated it, and failed. And I got frustrated. I love my new Dr. and all the time and concern she has shown towards me.

I am getting 12 more blood tests. How many more things can be wrong with me? I don't understand most of it, but thats okay right now, because she is still learning exactly what is going on, then we will treat it. I do know theres something up with my hormones, and cysts growing all over inside me, and I have something that means I could get diabetes easy, and I have way to much yeast in my body. I'm sure she is on the ready to explain this all to me once she has a better understanding herself. I'm thinking she doesn't want to freak me out too much.

I guess I'll just let you all know when I know. Even though I'm finding out that there might be a whole lot wrong with me, I'm super happy just to actually find out what is wrong. Who da thunk, it is more than just one thing! Just like my Dr., I think we'll be getting preggers pretty easy at the end of all of this.