A Personal look into our Marriage

My husband is severely hearing impaired. Also known as deaf. He's been deaf since he was a baby. He wears hearing aids to help hear, but theres only so much they can do.

I'm pretty sure that our marriage has struggles that others may not have. Have you ever said to your husband "You're not listening to me!" which he may have responded with "Yes I am." Well it's a little different for us when we're signing to each other and he turns his back to me mid conversation. How do you "listen" to sign language when you're looking at your computer instead of the person. The problem that I face most of the time, is that other people watch us and analyze our relationship. It's easy to judge somebody when you don't understand them. If somebody were to watch that situation, they won't not see that I was mid sentence when he decided to ignore me, all they see is that I'm frustrated.

When I need to tell something to Ben without announcing it to the entire room, I have to sign. Talking quietly in his ear or whispering doesn't work, he won't get anything I say. I understand that when we sign to each other in front of friends and family, you feel its rude. Very rude. But we feel it's rude when you whisper to another person, or even talk quietly out of earshot. How is it any different? Sometimes I want to tell something to Ben without announcing it to everyone, like I forgot my tampon at home, just like you want to whisper sometimes. We're not talking smack behind your back. Our options are either talk very loudly or sign.

One way I have found to relate to Ben and try to understand his hearing lose is by putting on head phones, turning up the music, and try to listen to people talking around me. I can hear their mumbles, but it's impossible for me to make out anything their saying. Especially when they're not facing me. This is why it's important to look at Ben when you talk to him. I think it's absolutely incredible that Ben can make out words from the mumbles he hears. And he can't be sure he ever understands what you said at all when you're not looking at him. So sometimes he has to take his best guess. If he had to ask you to repeat yourself after every sentence, you would both get tired of that very fast, so sometimes when he has no idea what you said, he just nods along hoping he'll catch something so he can pretend to understand. Many times I'll tell him something or ask him to do something and he replies with "I love you too". I then get a second chance to change my request or forget my criticism.

In addition to hearing the world as mumbles he can't here high pitches or certain sounds like ch, th, or s.  Unfortunately he seems to not be able to hear the word "don't" very well. Which can cause many problems, especially when I'm asking him to specifically not to do something. He also has a hard time hearing alarms or timers, so I have to tell him when the oven timer goes off or if the fire alarm is beeping.

This hearing lose makes it hard working in a kitchen where things beep and people yell out "hot pan" when they're walking behind you with something that could do a lot of damage. Ben had a very hard time finding an internship in Las Vegas, once the employer found out he was deaf. He would volunteer to work for free and just take out the trash and still people would turn him away. I am so proud of him for landing his awesome internship at one of Disney World's top restaurants! Citricos is voted number 3 in Disney's top restaurants, neck and neck with number 2. Over 200 people applied for the internship from the Las Vegas Le Cordon Bleu alone, and Ben is the only one who got it, and not only did he get a Disney internship, but he's at one of Disney's very best restaurants. Then when he expressed interest in staying at Citricos after his internship, he was hired on as full time! An accomplishment few interns pull off. I am so proud of Ben! And I am one lucky wife!