Welcome to My Diary


My name is McKenzie Stewart. I am Married to a wonderful man and currently live in Florida. I have had 9 miscarriages and no children.


I have started this blog for 2 reasons. One being for others. I try not to tell everyone that I'm pregnant, but when I have to go on bed rest and suddenly I'm absent in the world, a few people have to find out. I try to keep the pity after a miscarriage to a minimum by staying positive, but I know there are lots of questions and gaps to be filled in.


And the most important reason I started this blog is for me. This is my escape and my therapy. This is personal and I put everything out there. My life is filled with blessings and happiness but it would be a lie to say that these miscarriages haven't made a significant impact in my life.


All the feelings that I've kept inside are now out.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Accepting this Life

As you've probably figured out by now, I would like a baby. I would like to start a family. But that hasn't happened yet. It isn't my time. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that I will have a baby when I'm supposed to have a baby. And until then, I am happy to nurture other children.

I'm in a good place in life. I teach a primary class of 4 and 5 year olds at church. They're at that perfect age where they say the cutest things and still want to hold your hand and sit on your lap. There are 4 families who live nearby that I babysit for regularly, all of whom I love and adore. And my friends with kids like to come visit since I live only minutes from Walt Disney World. I kinda get the perks of being a grandma. I get to love and nurture and play with all of these children and babies, then return them to their parents when they are fussy, sick or stinky.

I feel as if I have come into some children's lives for a reason. I can help these children in ways that only I can. The most inspired example of this this has come from the Tillotson Family. Read more about my experience with the Tillotson Family HERE.

The Tillotson kids are some pretty special kids to have such amazing parents. I watch Kim in awe as an example as the mom I want to be some day. Kim and Josh have 7 children. Nate, Gabby, James, Andrew, Natasha, Abigail, and Corban. Each of these children have touched my heart. Natasha and Abigail have touched many hearts. Tasha and Abby are 4 1/2 years old. They were both born with Down Syndrome and they both have Leukemia. Tasha and Abby are the sweetest girls you will ever meet. All they want is to be loved and snuggled and all I want is to love and snuggle them. They alone fulfill my nurturing desires. And so have many other children.

I'm happy where I'm at. I would like a baby, but I would be okay if this were my life forever. It's a pretty good one and I truly am happy. I love my blessings and I love my trials. My trials make me stronger and are a part of who I am. And I am happy.


Tomorrow's Post: "3 Rocking Chairs"
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