In a way I feel relieved. And not in the way one may think. I want a baby more than anything, and if it were my choice, I would still be pregnant. But now there is no more worrying.
No more getting up to pee, scared, hoping not to find blood
No more analyzing every small pain or cramp wondering if I should call my doctor
No more wondering if my dog just hurt my belly by jumping on my lap
No more worrying that I moved to fast and killed my own baby
No more ridiculous cravings
No more bed rest
No more feeling guilty for doing absolutely nothing around the house
No more adding to my husband's work load
No more people telling me I have to have hope, or it will happen this time
No more trying to hide the fact that I'm pregnant while being on full bed rest
No more wondering if today will be the day it will happen
No more wondering if I feel it coming
No more worrying when I feel too good
No more "I can't do that"s
No more telling the twins I can't play with them or hold them
No more restrictions
No more wheelchairs
No more lectures
No more wondering when I'll have to disappoint everybody again
No more being sad for no reason
No more wondering if this will be the one, and should I have hope?
No more just wishing, more than anything, to know will I have a baby at the end of this?
No more pity
No more worrying
The baby hasn't come yet but he's on his way. I will probably experience different emotions when that happens. My hubby is home and sleeping. He's so peaceful, I don't want to disrupt that. I need to be strong so that he knows I'm okay before he goes to work. Worrying won't help anything.
Time to have a baby.
Thank you for sharing Mckenzie. I can't imagine the feelings that you must be feeling. I had 2 miscarriages and that in no way compares. I know you will help others that will go through similar experiences by voicing your story.
ReplyDeleteSending love your way:)
Chelsea Bishop
You are so such a strong woman McKenzie! God must have a plan for you and one day he will bless you and your husband with a baby! Stay positive, hopeful and keep your faith in God strong! Whether it be now or in the future, with or without the help of doctors, your own or an adopted child, you WILL experience the blessing of having children! My prayers are with you and your husband! :D
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