Welcome to My Diary


My name is McKenzie Stewart. I am Married to a wonderful man and currently live in Florida. I have had 9 miscarriages and no children.


I have started this blog for 2 reasons. One being for others. I try not to tell everyone that I'm pregnant, but when I have to go on bed rest and suddenly I'm absent in the world, a few people have to find out. I try to keep the pity after a miscarriage to a minimum by staying positive, but I know there are lots of questions and gaps to be filled in.


And the most important reason I started this blog is for me. This is my escape and my therapy. This is personal and I put everything out there. My life is filled with blessings and happiness but it would be a lie to say that these miscarriages haven't made a significant impact in my life.


All the feelings that I've kept inside are now out.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Tillotson's


About 3 months ago I decided that I NEEDED a job. I have tried to get a job before here in Florida but my pregnancies have gotten in the way a little bit. But it was time that I finally obtain a job and start contributing to our little family. I applied for many jobs. Somewhere around 35 solid job leads. I spent every spare minute of every day for over a week searching and applying for jobs. I got absolutely no response. At the time I felt discouraged, but now I understand there was a greater purpose. Had I gotten my way and found a job, I would not have been in a position to help the Tillotson family in the way they needed my help.

I met Kim at a church activity and we connected well. She called me a couple days later and asked me to be her regular babysitter. I came over and she taught me the ways of her house and I became their babysitter. My first day of babysitting went well. I got to know each of Kim's 7 children. Including Natasha and Abigail who both have down syndrom and Luekemia. Just 2 days after my first babysitting experience, Kim called and told me that they had to rush Abigail to the hospital. She got a virus that was fighting her little fragile body. I was able to drop what I was doing and go watch the 6 other Tillotson children. Abby was in the hospital for a few weeks and I spent almost every day at the Tillotson home so that Kim could spend time with Abby at the hospital and run errands while her husband stayed at the hospital with Abby full time. It was a joyous day when Abby came home, but only six hours later, Natasha had to be taken to the hospital. 

I spent more time with the Tillotson family than with my husband. Had I gotten a job like I hoped for, I would not have been available for the Tillotson family they way they needed me to be. This family has become my family. They make me feel so loved and needed. Tasha and Abby just want to be snuggled all day, and I just want to snuggle them all day. It's a great little situation that we have worked out. Each Tillotson child has touched me and changed my life for the better. I love my realationship with this family. They have blessed my life so much and they have answered my prayers. I have family here now and a friend in Kim. They make me happy and I am so blessed.


Tomorrow's Post: "The Hard Moments of Miscarriage"

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