Welcome to My Diary


My name is McKenzie Stewart. I am Married to a wonderful man and currently live in Florida. I have had 9 miscarriages and no children.


I have started this blog for 2 reasons. One being for others. I try not to tell everyone that I'm pregnant, but when I have to go on bed rest and suddenly I'm absent in the world, a few people have to find out. I try to keep the pity after a miscarriage to a minimum by staying positive, but I know there are lots of questions and gaps to be filled in.


And the most important reason I started this blog is for me. This is my escape and my therapy. This is personal and I put everything out there. My life is filled with blessings and happiness but it would be a lie to say that these miscarriages haven't made a significant impact in my life.


All the feelings that I've kept inside are now out.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

It's Time to be Thankful

I'm happy that ThanksGiving is coming the day after my ninth miscarriage. I have so much to be Thankful for! So much. Four blessings come to mind today. It's easier to see who really is a blessing in your life when going through a trial.


Alexandra Beckstrand
I feel bad every time I tell Alexandra that I'm pregnant because that means she has to go through the excitement then disappointment of a failed pregnancy with me. She wants to be an aunt as much as I want to be a mom. Alexandra and I have been Best Friends since we were 2! We were each others Maid of Honors. We went to joy school together and at the start of Kindergarten we attended the same school. My family and I moved to another neighborhood during my kindergarden year, and somehow we have remained best friends against all odds. Even now that I'm in Florida and she is in Nevada, we remain bestfriends. She has always been the closest thing to a sister to me, and my children will know her as Aunt Alexandra. She is always there for me even when I don't deserve it. She thinks of others before herself. She's the perfect example of who I want to be.

Kimberly Tillotson and the Tillotson Family
The Tillotson's moved to Florida just a couple months before me. Those were a hard couple of months. I was in Florida without any family of friends. I meet so many wonder people in Florida, but Kim is different. Kim hired me as their regular babysitter, but after the job was done, I just couldn't leave. I fell in love with the Tillotson family and they have become my family. I never have to be alone on evening when my hubby goes to work. My birthday was last month, and when I came home from the airport at 2 in the morning, I had found that the Tillotson family had made cards and a yummy treat for me and they "Heart attacked" my garage! And they did all of this at 1 in the morning! I have been given so much love by this family and they have been an answer to all of my prayers.

Mom and Dad
I have the best parents ever. I am the first child to move away from the family and I am the only girl, which automatically makes me the most special child :). (AKA, the favorite). I have seen my parents almost every single month since I have moved to Florida in March and I talk to them on the phone almost every day. I know that moving to Florida was the best decision for us, but I so wish we could be living 5 minutes away from my parents again. There are so many times I just want to drive over there and feel their love. But being apart makes each visit even more special and I am so grateful that those visits occur so often! I thrive on the countdown to the next time I get to see my parents.


Benjamin Stewart
My hubby. He seems to love me as much as I love him, but I don't think thats possible. He thinks of me first and never causes contention. When I get angry, he becomes affectionate and calm. He always supports me and completely gets me. He provides for our family and I know he will be the most amazing father someday because he already is so amazing with the children that are in our lives. It's so fun watching him in a fatherly position, and I can't wait for him to become a father. I love being his wife. I love every second we spend together and I can never ever get enough of him!

There are so many more people to be Thankful for. Ben's parents have been there with love for us so much and I have the most amazing in-laws EVER! I love spending time with them and I wish I could spend time with them more often.

My brothers and Sister in law. I am not close in age with my brothers, which has made for very unique relationships. I respect and love each of my siblings and love the moments spent together, even the moments spent playing Starcraft together. I sure do miss Sunday dinners together.


I am so thankful for the loving support from our extended families, I still remember our wedding day and tear up. I couldn't believe how much family came and how much they helped and supported us.


And I am so grateful for the love and support received from church members. They make moving a possibility and make my life better.

I am also grateful for my wonderful friends and neighbors.

I am so blessed. Thank you.


Tomorrow's post: "Time to Loose the Baby (and Thanksgiving) weight"

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